Its only Tuesday and I’m exhausted!
My youngest, Isabelle, has been a full out handful lately. She has extreme separation anxiety. I call her my little cling on. I don’t mean a kid that gently wraps their arms around moms legs and fusses some. I’m talking, arms and legs as tight as she can be wrapped around me and holding on for dear life. The poor preschool workers have to literally pry her off or I tickle and they pull. She is fine 2 minutes after I leave her sight but the getting out the door is near impossible. I know this because I have gone to the car, felt guilty, went back to peek in the window and she has been playing and fine. She does this at school, church, dance, anywhere. She crys and doesn’t want me out of her sight.
There are usually 3 reactions to this behavior.
- The look of total disbelief that I “allow” this behavior and have a child out of control.
- The look of sympathy and telling me she will be just fine, they see this all the time.
- The truly helpful people, who instead of staring and judging, offer to help. Can I take her in for you? Sara (child), can you hold Isabelles hand and walk in with her?
Then there is the literally getting into EVERYTHING. On Monday’s we have busy afternoons spent at dance. Isabelle goes first, and is in a beginner ballet/tap class. They do ballet for 30 minutes and tap for the last 30 minutes. After FINALLY getting her to go into class (see above), she usually enjoys it and does pretty good.
This age group gets easily distracted and my child is usually the one doing extreme moves. Isabelle being little miss exaggerate is usually the odd ball. They put down a piece of cloth and the kids are supposed to leap gracefully over the cloth and pretend its a river. “Don’t fall in the water”, the dance instructor states. It gets to Isabelle’s turn and she hops on the river. The instructor asks whats shes doing she is supposed to go O-V-E-R the river. Isabelle response, “splashing in the water.” Leave it to my child!!! Then when she finally does it, she leaps about 4 ft over and adds a twist and spin to the end.
We leave home at 2:30 to go pick up the girls from school and head to dance. The last dance class isn’t over until 6:30 so as you can imagine thats a bit much for Isabelle. Now I bring her home after getting the other two into classes and Jeremy goes and picks them up on his way home.
Well, last night we came home and I ran upstairs to change out the clothes. While I was up there the UPS man came. Isabelle yells, mom you have a package. I told her I’d be right there NOT to open the door. Next thing I know she has opened the door, and the UPS guy was at the door asking where mommy was. I went out and he says he put it behind my bush because it has a picture on the box and he didn’t think I’d want her seeing. I wholeheartedly thank him and got Isabelle back inside. Tell her NOT to go out that door, I’m going to put Sadie (dog) up and will be right back.
Well, of course by the time I get around the house she is outside on the porch. I yell for her to get back in that house. She runs in, knowing she is in big time trouble and proceeds to pout with me. She tells me, “I’m sorry you ever had me and I’m the worst girl ever. You don’t love me” That is the furthest from the truth. It totally broke my heart inside. How can a 4 -year- old think that? Why would she? What could I have been doing so wrong to make her feel that way?
While I know she was just acting out and took that que from her oldest sister, it still breaks my heart and makes me seriously question my parenting abilities. The last thing I want is my children to feel unloved. Even when mommy is upset with them, I love them with my whole heart.
I woke up this morning not feeling well. Kay seemed to give me her crud and I started feeling bad yesterday. I got up, got dressed, came to help with breakfast and pack lunches. Jeremy left for work, and I went to get myself dressed because I had to go into the office today. The two older kids were fussing over not liking the clothes THEY picked out last night. I finally got up from putting on makeup to go and try to settle the big kids down. Came back in and Isabelle was hiding under my makeup table. I ask her to come out so mommy can fix her hair. The little stinker had put mommies lipstick on (which I never wear).
Not only had she attempted to put lipstick on, she looked like “The Joker” from Batman. I mean RED lipstick about an inch on each side of her lips. She also had colored her hands with it. Oh, and did I mention she had preschool this morning and we were running late at this point. (Insert roll eyes)
So, this is just a small glimpse into my world. Daily struggles and mommy fails. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes. I’m just glad I can pray, ask forgiveness, and try to do better each day. I keep reminding myself that they are growing so fast and I will one day miss all this.
It never ceases to amaze me how God will put just the right encouragement I need in front of me. My scripture reading for today was about finding Joy from Romans 15:13. Then when scrolling through my social feeds earlier I saw this one.
“So be truly glad there is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.” 1 Peter 1: 6