Make Your Spouse Top Priority, While Balancing Life
When you get married, its easy to put each other first (after God of course). However, after kids come along, they are tiny, needy, and it’s just as easy to get caught up in all things baby. We as women, need to also make sure we are giving our husbands our time, respect, and affection.
The Bible talks a lot about the importance of marriage. From the very beginning it states:
Genesis 1:27-28 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
1. Husbands are the head of the household.
Ephesians 5:23,24,32 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
As wives, we need to be sure we keep our husband top priority. They are the head of the household. They deserve and need our attention. They should lead the family, but we have an important role to be their helpmate.
Colossians 3:18-21: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”
This scripture explains the family relationship perfectly.
2. Husbands need our affection.
Hebrews 13:4- Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
I’m not going to go into too much detail here, but I love Mark Gungor’s marriage seminar. He talks a lot about how men have a physical need to be fulfilled by their wives. We as women have more of an emotional need to be filled. Each can be done in the intimacy of our marriage. You with hold in this area, and he will be more likely to look elsewhere, even if he doesn’t act on it.
3. Money is one of the main reasons for divorce according to studies.
Hebrews 13:5-7 states: “Keep our lives free from the love of money and be content with that you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; neither will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?” Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.
For most men, they feel that they have to provide for the family. They want to do everything possible to not only meet the families needs, but also give those things you want. However, this can add a ton of stress. It is a wife’s duty, to be careful with the finances, and to ease the husbands burden. We were made to be his helper. This is not to say the husband should be a dictator and the wife not allowed anything. You are a team. It should be discussed, openly, and realistic expectations set.
I know first hand, too many couples, who were great for each other in every other way. However, spending habits and tendencies ruined them before they even started. Another one of my personal pet peeves, is when you get married you should be ONE. Not live two separate financial lives. Where his money is his, and her money is hers. You are brought together and should live as one. Sit down, figure out goals, plans, and make concessions for when the unexpected happen.
1 Timothy 6:10 states: For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.
This verse is often mis-quoted. It states the LOVE of money is evil, not money itself as evil.
4. LOVE each other in good and bad times.
“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” – 1 Peter 4:8
All marriages go through rough patches. This doesn’t mean you should throw in the towel. Work together. Pray for each other. Communicate!!! Reminisce over the dating phase, wedding, or other good memories you have together. Remind each other why you fell in love in the first place. The word Divorce should never be even be uttered. In heated argument it might be thought about, but refrain from saying at all costs. Chances are, once you have calmed down, you will wish you hadn’t.
5. Pray for each other
I am a strong believer in prayer. I know how it has personally helped me in every area of my life. Prayer is something that comes easy to me, and I realize that is not the case for everyone. However, it’s really hard to hate or stay mad at someone you are diligently, whole-heartily, praying for! I also like the saying, those who pray together, stay together. You must put God first in the relationship. Take away the selfish desires, and focus on the ONE who you should be seeking to serve.
6. DATE NIGHT
This is so incredibly important. When we had our first child, my mom kept emphasizing how important date nights were. Allyssa had colic, and honestly date nights were a way for us to get our sanity back. My parents, and Jeremy’s mom kept Allyssa for us to go out almost every week for the first year she was born. After that we still made a point to go out at least once a month. When baby #2 came along, that all changed and it was a lot of harder to go out. When baby #3 came along, we were so used to just taking the kids with us and having family night, instead of date night.
We rarely get date nights now, but I still feel very strongly about the importance. Though, we do not get out as much, we make it a point to have time together after the kids go to bed at least once a week. Rather that means, watching a movie together, sitting outside talking, or cuddling up on the couch and watching tv. It is so important to still make undivided time for each other, no kids around.
We did a marriage retreat through the National Guard years ago and then again at our church about two years ago by, Mark Gungor. I highly recommend this to any married couples. There are several things I learned from this marriage retreat.
- Men have boxes, they can compartmentalized everything. This blew my mind, I can’t turn off my brain if I try. (See full video insert below)
- Men respond to positive reinforcement way better than nagging. Example…. If I want my husband to help out more around the house.. I might send him a note in his lunch or put in his car, telling him how much I appreciate how hard he works, how he takes care of us, and how I know when he gets home he is tired so I’ll try harder not to nag him about helping do ________ fill in the blank. This is likely going to encourage him, and give him more reason to want to do more.
The same concept applies with fill their bucket, with love and encouragement. If they feel loved, they will be more likely to want to do more to make sure you feel loved too. When you get a date night, another good activity is to tell each other 3 things you really appreciate/like that they are doing right and in exchange one thing that needs improvement
I have witnessed too many struggling families, where the wife doesn’t show love and appreciate for her husband. I am not always the best at this, but I have made many improvements over the years, and really try to put work into making sure my husband knows how much I appreciate and respect him. Do I always agree with everything? No, of course not. However, how we choose to respond, has the option to positively affect our marriage, or do the opposite.
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